Wednesday, October 20, 2010

October 19, 2010: Weezer - Only in Dreams

Weezer - Only in Dreams: youtube.com/watch?v=4spkVX8z-vs

Today I talked with my brother and he told me a story about his 9 year old daughter, my 9 year old niece, and how she had a nightmare the other night. It broke my heart.

He told me that she woke up at about 2am crying. He went to comfort her, she told him of her nightmare and she kept saying things such as "If I go back to sleep I'll die," he had to explain to her the nature of dreams. He said he tried to remember, at the time, what it must have been like to be a child and have a nightmare, to not quite comprehend what he comprehends now, how it seemed so much more real then.

It's rare that I have nightmares. I dream a lot, rarely is it that I have nightmares if even bad dreams. I've never been one to have nightmares. There was a point last year, during arguably the worst point in my life, where I had nightmares for some weeks and they were so intense that I couldn't sleep. I was seeing troublesome ghosts and waking in a panic, turning on all the lights and forcing myself back to bed. I don't know that nightmares were more troublesome in youth than in adulthood, when I've learned of the nature of dreams and indebted myself to philosophies of the subconscious. With this knowledge they seem almost more terrifying.

One of the first dreams I remember having occurred while I was still sleeping in a crib. My family passed down a large, stuffed clown doll to me that hung on the wall in front of my crib. There is still a picture somewhere of my infant body posed next to it and it still makes me shake. I recall laying in my crib, seeing the clown doll hanging on the wall in front of me, it reaching up and pulling itself off its hook and sliding under my bed. It was underneath me. I screamed. I remember my mother coming into the room and picking me up and nothing else.

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