July 17, 2010: Sophie B. Hawkins - Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover

Sophie B. Hawkins - Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover: youtube.com/watch?v=RQQpbRN1FrE

I remember seeing the video for "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover" on The Hit List with Tarzan Dan, on YTV. I’m pretty sure I saw this video alongside PJ Harvey’s “Down By the Water” and the premier of the Spice Girls’ “Wannabe.” That seems strange to me, now. I must have been about 7 years old. I thought Sophie B. Hawkins looked weird and was a bit scared that I was listening to a song about sex with a swear. I liked it but hated it at the same time because I wasn’t supposed to like it. At 7 years old, for me, Sophie B. Hawkins defined subversive.

In time, in listening to this song again, it’s pretty bad. The over-production, the adding of vocal lines in dead spots to fill out the song, the vague and disjointed lyrics (“I give you something sweet each time / You come inside my jungle book”), the synths. It’s pretty typical (though not the prime example) of what was bad in music from the time in which it came out.

But at the time it came out it resonated with my 7 old year old body. I grew up in a town where the biggest building is the church, where we recited the lord’s prayer in kindergarten, everyday. Roman Catholic and proud. And I was told, of course, that sexuality is something to repress and be ashamed of. I may never have been told this outright, but one doesn’t need everything explained to them in basic terms to know what they’re being guided toward and away from. And I recall my mother turning the channel when this song came on TV. And I remember feeling like I’d get in trouble if I was caught listening to this song. The “Damn!” at the start of the chorus is bracing when you’re not supposed to hear that word and here it is said proud and standing out from all other words spoken.

Again, I realize now that this isn’t so subversive. It’s more pandering than anything. The song didn’t need the word “Damn!” at all, but if it wasn’t there there wouldn’t be anything to hold onto lyrically; the whole song hinges on that one word. I remember hearing Kathleen Edwards say that when she was first writing songs she used the word “fuck” a lot in her lyrics. Then someone told her that she only used the word “fuck” because she wasn’t smart enough to use anything else. And she found this true. And it’s true that to use a word like “damn” or “fuck” or any kind of “forbidden” word can be tricky. If you use it in the wrong place then the whole piece will rely on it as a crutch; it has to be subtle or absolutely necessary. Despite the fact that these are just words that ultimately mean nothing, there are certain that hold a terrible strength and require careful use for it.

Jean-Luc Godard said once that to make a movie all you need is a gun and a girl. I suppose that’s true. Danger and sex will always be exciting. I’m not sure if this applies to my line of thought just now, at all. It just came to mind, seemed to apply. Oh well.